If you’ve typed the word “crypto” into Google’s omniscient search engine during the past several weeks of bitcoin market euphoria, there’s a good chance you’ve been greeted with a headline like this one:
And there’s an equally good chance that you did a quick double-take before heading over to CoinMarketCap to check the value of your portfolio for the sixth time that morning.
CDC Spreads Crypto FUD as Bitcoin Heats Up
Here’s what you might have missed: Its real name is Cryptosporidium, but the cool kids call it “crypto.”
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention describes crypto as a “fecal parasite,” which is sure to warm the heart of cantankerous bitcoin nemesis Nouriel Roubini.
It’s called a fecal parasite because it’s spread through human or animal feces. Crypto is most often contracted by drinking “recreational water.” Like the water in swimming pools.
According to the CDC, crypto
investors victims suffer from the following symptoms: watery diarrhea, stomach cramps, dehydration, nausea, vomiting, fever, and weight loss.
Maybe the CDC’s onto something. Show me a bitcoin bagholder that didn’t exhibit at least a few of those symptoms during 2018.
So, what gives? Does some CDC scientist have a serious axe to grind with bitcoin?
Alas, that does not appear to be the case.
The CDC was using “crypto” as shorthand for Cryptosporidium at least as early as 2010, when it launched a super-duper high tech DNA fingerprinting–based system called CryptoNet to track disease outbreaks. Sure, bitcoin existed in 2010, but it wasn’t until 2011 when the term first made a blip on Google Trends.
Even more damning: In August 2008 – two months before Satoshi published the bitcoin whitepaper – the…